Witchfest 2017

 

IMG_1777I went to my first Witchfest in July.  It took place on Astor Place in NYC.  It was only a block long (and it was a tiny block) but was it packed with goodies and good people.

Of course at the start of the fest there were religious protestors who didn’t fail to mention that we were all sinners…whatever happened to that quote about not judging? But I didn’t let them deter me. After all we were there…and so were they. But anyway!

There were a lot of nice wares there. Chalices and other magical tools.  Lots of herbs, candles, books, oils, incense, on and on.  I didn’t buy anything too extravagant. I got a couple of books, some herbs and oils.

I met a couple of nice people who ran the vendors. The energy was fantastic. For a small area I sepnt a lot of time at each vendor.

Not only did they have things to purchase, they also had workshops. I didn’t attend any of these, but it was nice to see the community come out and join together. There was also a Pagan Pride parade in the morning. I also did not attend that (found out about that one too late).

There are quite a few people who practice some type of magic. When people think of a Witchfest they may think Wicca or straight Witchcraft; however, those in the know…know they can get their materials here as well (Hoodoo, Voodoo, Santaria, etc.)

Hopefully I will be available to visit again next year.

 

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Empath Forgot Crystals…

Today I went to the movies in Times Square. When I left the movies I walked in the area for a little while. I started to feel dizzy. I thought it might have been the soda I drank. It subsided the further away I walked from Times Square.

On the subway home I was starting to get annoyed, no reason.  Then I took the short bus ride from the subway station to my apartment and all of a sudden I wanted to cry. Just ball! I said to myself, “You’ve got to hold this in until you get home.”  When I got home, I had forgotten all about it. I didn’t feel like crying no more.

negenergycrystlToday I didn’t war my crystals. Sometimes I forget. Usually on the weekends I forgo wearing them on Sunday because I don’t go anywhere but church. Most Saturday’s I do remember, but today wasn’t one of those Saturday’s.

In hindsight, I know see that I was being attacked by all of that energy. Times Square is so flooded with different energies, I’m surprised I didn’t pass out from the dizziness.  I’m not sure if the annoyed feeling and the sad feeling were from people that were around me at the time, or something that attached itself to me in Times Square.

My apartment is full of crystals.  Especiallly the ones that dispel negative energy. There is a large one near my front door. You can feel the energy shift when you enter my apartment…well I am used to it, but others may be able to feel it.

Sometimes I forget I’m an empath. It is on days like today that I’m smacked back into that reality.

There is a great article on Empaths. A Must Read!  Empaths Forgot Their Power

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Syncretist

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When people ask me what my religion is I say Catholic.  It’s just easier. I mean, I am Catholic. I was baptized, Communed and Confirmed in the Catholic Church. I go every week (Choir member), but does that make me stuck in the box? I don’t think so, but others do.

There is nothing wrong with being Cathollic (or whatever religion you are). There is also nothing wrong with being none of the above.

I don’t care what you are, as long as you don’t hurt anyone.  That fanatical shit though, it gets taken too far.

I also don’t think it is cool when people prosthelytize.  What makes one think that their religion is superior or the only one?

Yes, I go to Cathollic Church, I also practice Hindu Mantras, Buddhist ideas, Hoodoo, Santaria…etc. 

I didn’t know there was a word for this, it is known as Syncretism.

Syncretism: (noun) – reconcilliation or fusion of differing systems of belief, as in philosopy or religion.  Especially when success is partial or the result is heterogeneous.

So, if someone wishes to remain in their religious box, feel free, it’s all good. Just don’t put ME in one, or even worse, don’t expect me to jump into yours.

 

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Perfunctory Catholic

When asked my religion I usually just say that I am Catholic. I have been a card carrying Catholic for 23 years. Before that I was an unsaved heathen.

My parents were two different denominations. Mom is a non-practicing Southern Baptist and dad was a non-practicing Episcopalian.

Our house was not one where God was discussed, at all.

Becoming a Catholic at the age of 26 was my idea. It really was the only religion I knew. Most of my friends were of two religions – Catholic or Jewish.

For the first 13 years of my Catholic-hood I was an on and off church goer. It was every week at first, until I moved 2 miles away, then that quickly became never. It was not only the distance; it was my infant daughter who would scream like she was on fire every time we entered the church.

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St. Raymond’s Roman Catholic Church – Bronx, NY                          (c) Liz Kelso 2013

The Monsignor lured (threatened) me in to coming back. There was a tuition discount for active church members. I would have to go weekly and drop my envelope in to get this discount.

I scraped together my $1 and dropped it in. My daughter was 7 years old now, and we had moved back to the neighborhood the church resided. Every Sunday I walked down the block, sat for 45 minutes, repeated the prayers by rote, and walked back home.

This was the price I had to pay for my $600 a year tuition discount. It was bearable.

Eventually I would join the choir. I found this a better use of my time. Since I had to be there anyway, I might as well do something.

My children have since left that school, but I remain in the choir. I have been a choir member for 10 years.

Still, I’m perfunctory.

Much of the stuff that is said doesn’t resonate with me. If I was not in the choir, I would not go to that church, or any church. However, I have grown to love my choir mates, and cannot imagine not seeing them every week. So I go, sit and sing. Haphazardly cross myself, mumble the creed, but sing with fervor.

One day when someone asks my religion I will say, “I’m spiritual not religious.” But right now, I don’t feel like explaining it to everyone.

Those who know the truth are the only ones I concern myself with.

 

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Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome: The feeling that one feels like a fraud or inadequate despite evidence to the contrary, this phenomenon effects smart and successful persons. It usually appears when a notable accomplishment is gained. Anyone can suffer from this syndrome; however, minorities and women are the hardest group hit. It also is prevalent among Graduate Students.

So It Has a Name

I had never heard this phrase before until one of the professors in my Graduate School mentioned it and explained to us what it was.

“THAT’S IT!” I wanted to shout. That is what I have.

It is not because I’m a Graduate Student, but I have noticed that when I receive any accolades; it could be accolades at work or school, I grow uncomfortable.

fraud copyWhen people tell me I’m a brilliant writer, I think to myself, “You’re just saying that because…XYZ.” It doesn’t matter that these are people from different backgrounds, social status, race, gender, etc. I still think they are full of it.

I thought it was mere modesty, but it turns out, it is a real thing. It is not classified as a mental illness; never the less, it is a phenomenon that occurs in many high-achieving individuals.

 

My Grass is Greener

I don’t think social media helps one bit. Not only do we have to compete with Real Life People, but with virtual ones as well.

I think I’m the coolest, best at something, and then someone comes along and tops my accomplishment. Or rather, they say that such and such happened. Who knows the percentage of exaggeration or outright lying goes on.

I end up comparing my apple to their oranges, or rather, their orange peels.

 

Overcoming

There is a lot of information out there that gives advice on how to overcome impostor syndrome.

I’ve skimmed the articles, but I know what I have to do.

I just need to except that I am beyond brilliant, pat myself on the back, and keep it moving.

OK, well maybe that is a little overboard.

 

 

 

 

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Boredom

I was bored this weekend. Well, not the entire weekend, just the bit where I was by myself.

There is a saying, “Bored people are boring.” I suppose there is some truth to this; however, I don’t think I’m boring, even if I do get bored.

bored 2 pic copy

This isn’t to say the boredom isn’tpartly my fault. I could do plenty. I could write, I could practice my piano, I could exercise, I could go for a walk, but I chose to sit home and do nothing. So I guess I am boring, or perhaps I’m lazy.

It feels like I’m always in the state of waiting for something to happen – something good, exciting or new.

I get disappointed when my life continues to be a stream of sameness. Now, I want good stuff to happen, I don’t want drama. That kind of excitement is not what I’m referring to.

The way around this is to practice non-attachment. I’ve been trying to be better at this, but frankly it isn’t easy.

I would prefer my life to be a series of flat line moments and peaks, no valleys. But that isn’t realistic. And although this probably is not accurate, I always feel that my peak will be followed by the lowest valley. However, if I practice non-attachment, neither the peak nor the valley will affect me. But what fun is that?

I like being excited. When something good happens, I like to smile, talk excitedly about it, walk around the house humming. Why would anyone want to detach from that feeling? It only is beneficial as not to feel the bad stuff so keenly.

I have noticed in many people that the down moments outweigh the up ones. It makes me wonder if the bad feeling is perpetuated because no good feelings are coming their way. Lots of people thrive on drama and the chaos caused by their lives.

I’ve had a few recent disappointments, but I realized it is only because I thought a certain way and because it didn’t manifest as I had hoped, I grew disappointed. I had an expectation and I shouldn’t have. But this doesn’t bring me low, it just brings me back to my walking dead state.

I am going bnonattack to school after an 8 month hiatus. Most of the past 8 months have dragged. I find that when my mind is forcibly engaged, life seems better. So what will I do when this program is finished in 2 years? I don’t want to be a professional student.

I tried doing some stuff, on line classes, workshops, but it never brought me to a high, I remained steady.

If I had any say, I think we all should have at least one peak every quarter. It should not be followed by any sad news, just a nice thing happening to us, for no reason.

But as they say, we create our own reality. I do not see how we can create peaks in the same way we create valleys. Positive thinking keeps me neutral at best.

Makes me wonder if people take drugs in order to forget or in order to feel?

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Me and the Tarot

Self Taught Mess

I taught myself how to read Tarot cards many years ago. I read for myself, and only once a year. More than that was not necessary. I would read my cards on Halloween (Samhain) and not read them again until the next Halloween.

I was a literal reader. I used a tarot book that explained what each card means in the upright and reversed positions. I did not use my Intuition or common sense. I read it at face value.

Yes I was a novice. I did only the Celtic Cross Spread and didn’t use clarifiers. Looking back, I realize I had no clue as to what I was doing. I did not have the advantage of YouTube way back then. All I learned about reading was from the few dense books that were available at the time.

Tarot

15 Years Later…

I recently started reading for myself again, after a 15 year hiatus.

I was speaking with another Tarot card reader on the phone recently, and she asked me if I read for myself. I told her I try, but I feel that it isn’t accurate because I see what I want to see in the cards. She said she doesn’t read for herself for the same reason.

If I wanted a positive outcome to a problem, I would clarify the shit out of that spread until I got some sort of positive answer.

Sometimes I still would not get the answer I was hoping for. Because of this possibility, I did not approach reading for myself with any excitement. No matter what spread I chose to use (I’ve learned a few more in the past 15 years), or which tarot deck(s) I used, I wanted a positive answer, and I wasn’t getting it.

I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with someone, but the cards were telling me, “It ain’t happening.” That is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear, “Against all odds, you are destined to be together until death do you part.”

The cards were telling me what I didn’t want to hear, but what my intuition knew. I can see that in hindsight.

I’ve still don’t read for myself often. I may do a quick 3 card daily spread if I want a quick answer. However, I now use my intuition to read the cards, and only consult the book / web if I am unclear about it. That has been working better for me.

I also don’t ask “heavy questions”. I leave those for others who read for me.

Or I just let time do its work.

 

Other Can Read Me, Most of the Time

Fool copySome people who read my cards are pretty spot on. Others miss the mark completely. I take it all with a grain of salt, but at least when others read for me, I can’t make them say what I want to hear. They tell me what they feel or see. They tell me like it is. I can choose to ignore it or I can wait and watch.

I also don’t get a reading every other week. Two to Three times a year, max. This doesn’t include the self readings I give myself. I consider those readings practice. The readings by the professionals are limited. If I go to one of the better ones, I may not go for another reading for another 9 to 12 months. Sometimes, they can see that far ahead.

I usually shorten the period in between if I feel the reader misses the mark. I have narrowed my readers down to two, one in person reader and one phone reader.

I just visited the in person reader, therefore, I will not need another professional tarot card reading until at least January.

In between I will probably visit a medium, but that is a different animal.

 

Tips I Learned Along the Way

  • Learn the basic card meanings, but use your intuition to guide your reading
  • Learn a variety of spreads (Celtic Cross, Relationship Spread, Tree of Life Spread, etc.)
  • When reading for yourself learn to detach from the outcome
  • Go into the reading with a clear mindset
  • Have another read for you, preferably someone who has been doing it a while
  • Take it all with a grain of salt

It is nice to know what to expect, but it is even better to know that we have the power to change it through our perception.

 

 

 

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