I was bored this weekend. Well, not the entire weekend, just the bit where I was by myself.
There is a saying, “Bored people are boring.” I suppose there is some truth to this; however, I don’t think I’m boring, even if I do get bored.
This isn’t to say the boredom isn’tpartly my fault. I could do plenty. I could write, I could practice my piano, I could exercise, I could go for a walk, but I chose to sit home and do nothing. So I guess I am boring, or perhaps I’m lazy.
It feels like I’m always in the state of waiting for something to happen – something good, exciting or new.
I get disappointed when my life continues to be a stream of sameness. Now, I want good stuff to happen, I don’t want drama. That kind of excitement is not what I’m referring to.
The way around this is to practice non-attachment. I’ve been trying to be better at this, but frankly it isn’t easy.
I would prefer my life to be a series of flat line moments and peaks, no valleys. But that isn’t realistic. And although this probably is not accurate, I always feel that my peak will be followed by the lowest valley. However, if I practice non-attachment, neither the peak nor the valley will affect me. But what fun is that?
I like being excited. When something good happens, I like to smile, talk excitedly about it, walk around the house humming. Why would anyone want to detach from that feeling? It only is beneficial as not to feel the bad stuff so keenly.
I have noticed in many people that the down moments outweigh the up ones. It makes me wonder if the bad feeling is perpetuated because no good feelings are coming their way. Lots of people thrive on drama and the chaos caused by their lives.
I’ve had a few recent disappointments, but I realized it is only because I thought a certain way and because it didn’t manifest as I had hoped, I grew disappointed. I had an expectation and I shouldn’t have. But this doesn’t bring me low, it just brings me back to my walking dead state.
I am going back to school after an 8 month hiatus. Most of the past 8 months have dragged. I find that when my mind is forcibly engaged, life seems better. So what will I do when this program is finished in 2 years? I don’t want to be a professional student.
I tried doing some stuff, on line classes, workshops, but it never brought me to a high, I remained steady.
If I had any say, I think we all should have at least one peak every quarter. It should not be followed by any sad news, just a nice thing happening to us, for no reason.
But as they say, we create our own reality. I do not see how we can create peaks in the same way we create valleys. Positive thinking keeps me neutral at best.
Makes me wonder if people take drugs in order to forget or in order to feel?